Change is the Only Constant.

"I wanted to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me."

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:55:00 -0400

“I wanted to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo

Wed, 01 May 2013 21:55:52 -0400

Photo

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 11:12:16 -0400

Everyone I know’s getting a real job, getting engaged or having babies and I’m just...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 22:11:00 -0400

Everyone I know’s getting a real job, getting engaged or having babies and I’m just sitting here running my blog and trying to remember to eat three meals a day.

Stick It

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 04:08:00 -0400

Stick It

I actually willingly talked to people I don’t know today… Do I get like a trophy or a...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 00:56:48 -0400

I actually willingly talked to people I don’t know today… Do I get like a trophy or a prize or a cuddle or something?

Did I level up in life?

"Lines in your misplaced palms, fit perfectly. Where they’re meant to be, right in front of me. So..."

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 22:42:00 -0400

“

Lines in your misplaced palms, fit perfectly.
Where they’re meant to be, right in front of me.
So darling you used to, yeah you used to squeeze me.
Like you haven’t seen me in eternity.

Don’t make me listen to you get sick of me.
It’s in your voice when you say, leave me be.
Rock me to sleep baby, don’t watch me cry,
It’s too much to handle when you aren’t by.
Yeah, I’m missing you - oh the old you.

Move every loop in your curly cue head and make memories.

Know, when you loved me.
Yeah you loved me.

”

Somedays I wish I was better at being social but then I remember that requires me to go outside and...

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 15:10:00 -0400

Somedays I wish I was better at being social but then I remember that requires me to go outside and talk to people and then I’m just like “lol nope.”

"There were days I wanted out. But then You would go and do things like dive into the Vancouver..."

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 14:01:11 -0400

“

There were days I wanted out.
But then You would go and do things
like dive into the Vancouver ocean,
big brilliant cliché poem that You are,
water rolling off Your back
as You swam toward a sunset
that hung like a sacred recipe painted
all the way around Your holy head.

And then there were the ways You caught me
moving back into my cave where the wheels turn,
same wheels that drove You off.
I should have told You
before talking in terms of Forever
that any given day wears me out and works me sour,
that there are nights when the sky is so clear
I stand obnoxious underneath it
begging for the stars to shoot at me
just so I can feel at Home.

What’s left of You now is a shrine
built from the pieces I kept of Your presence,
Your incredible stretch of presence.
It sits in Our room like a sandpiper
cross-legged and crying,
remembering the night we met
and the day You left, and the Light
shifting in between.
By the side of it stands a picture of the poem where I promised,
“You will never have another lonely holiday.”

The words “I Promise” and “Forever”
begged me not to use them
but sometimes I don’t listen to God,
so You can imagine how much it hurt
to let Your last birthday pass
with no word. August 3rd.
You weren’t the only one comin’ up lonesome.

Listen, if I had to make a list
of everything everywhere
- and I mean everything… everywhere -
the very last to-do on that infinite list of
every – single – thing – would be – to hurt You,
so I need You to know
that in an attempt to keep my promise
I did write a letter to You on Your birthday.

It was covered in stickers of flock-printed stars,
choir claps, and a bonfire of buttercups stuck in the air,
but when I finally drew enough courage
to send You all the Love in the World
my hand snapped off in the mailbox
from clenching.

It was returned to me with a gospelstitch, a hope stamp
and a note etched into the palm I had to pry open
with the pressure of pitching doves
reminding me
we agreed to let each other go.

There is a point when tears don’t work
to wash things away anymore.
Grabbing for breath has now broken my fingers.
I miss You so much some days
that I beg for the airplane to crash
with just enough time in the freefall
for scribbling “I Love You” across my chest.
That way – when they find my burning breast plate –
they will tell You how the very last thing I did with my life
was call out Your name.

A. R. L.

I know You’re momma didn’t raise no sissy,
so it’s best if I believe
that You’ve bounced back and been born again,
but in the bottom left corner of dreams
in the dark spot
where it gets windy and hollow
I can still see you flailing,
eating knuckle cake,
full torque and tender,
heart pounding from being pulled under,
feet bleeding from bracing for endings,
tongue dying to curse Forever
because promises murder us backwards
when people like me don’t keep them.

And sure, we all deserve absolution,
but especially You. You and Faith,
You’ve got the same hungerpunch,
same song
still rising off the watertrain running through the laws
of a moon dead set on daylight
digging marbles from the trees
in a Love not scared to make no sense
and monkey enough to see
the same devastating reason for living this life
My Giant
Saint
Everything

I promise You
Forever
these words have buckled my lips
so far back to the beginning
that I am now allowed only
Today,
so from my snap-chested heart spraying
fully flying
sending out the birds:

Today I stop believing in words.
Today all my visions converted to blurs
like the night We saw the Light
and I could not shut up
but I swear I was feelin’ silence.

”

"Do not fall in love With people like me. people like me will love you so hard that you turn into..."

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 13:38:30 -0400

“Do not fall in love
With people like me.
people like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone
into a statue where people
come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve
that faraway look into your eyes

Do not fall in love with people like me
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth

Do not come any closer.
people like me
are bombs
when our time is up
we will splatter loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you wish
your doorway never
learned our name

do not fall in love
with people like me.
with the lonely ones
we will forget our own names
if it means learning yours
we will make you think
hurricanes are gentle
that pain is a gift
you will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always reaching
but never able to hold

do not fall in love
with people like me.
we will destroy your
apartment
we will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet

we will never learn
how to be soft

we will leave.
we always do.”

Photo

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 13:34:57 -0400

If my self-depreciation was as adorable as tumblr says it is, I’d be like a puppy puking...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 12:24:55 -0500

If my self-depreciation was as adorable as tumblr says it is, I’d be like a puppy puking rainbows while riding a unicorn.

"I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep in the empty..."

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:33:00 -0500

“I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep in the empty moments of your life.”

- Jon Blair

Photo

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 12:23:35 -0500

Photo

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 01:07:25 -0500

To all of my followers and everyone else who sees this: I think...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:35:00 -0500

To all of my followers and everyone else who sees this:

I think you should check out this project. Donate if you think it’s as awesome of an idea as I do. Every little bit of money will help make this project happen.

"You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic...."

Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:38:24 -0500

“

You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the harsh world. You aren’t their noble protector — you are someone to be protected from but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you would like to take on in future relationships. What feels more comfortable — being the one who loves more or being the one who’s loved less?

You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the memories of those who loved us in the past. It’s a permanent smudge on your love resume.

You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only. They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave before you get unloved.

You will fall in love with the old couple down the street because to you they represent the impossible: a stable, long-lasting love. You’re trying to get someone to like you for more than ten minutes. A monogamous “never get sick of ya” love seems unfathomable. “What’s your secret, sir? Do you just say yes a lot?”

You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them and you’re okay with being that PYSCHO who is legitimately sniffing their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops.

You will fall in love with your friends. Deep, passionate love. You will create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel less vulnerable. Sometimes our families can’t love us all the time. Sometimes we’re born into families who don’t know how to love us properly. They do as much as they can but the rest is up to our friends. They can love you all the time, without judgement. At least the good ones can.

This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you. This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.

So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday, holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten years. Do it. Now.

”

- Ryan O’Connell, The People You Will Fall In Love With In Your 20s

It’s strange to realize how much has changed since this time last year.

Sun, 10 Feb 2013 00:44:54 -0500

It’s strange to realize how much has changed since this time last year.

Photo

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 14:37:00 -0500

Lava Kiss: My husband and I, along with a tour guide and a...

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 14:03:00 -0500

Lava Kiss: My husband and I, along with a tour guide and a group of friends, hiked up to what was formerly the Royal Gardens subdivision above Kalapana, Hawaii, where the last standing house was just recently taken over by the active lava flow. While waiting for the rain to pass, we started taking back-lit portraits of each other in front of the lava flow after I set up my camera on the tripod. For the last photo, my husband spontaneously dipped me in a kiss. It was a truly once-in-a-lifetime moment!

-Dallas Nagata